he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
