Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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