You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
