I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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