those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
