Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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