U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
