my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
