If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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