brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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