is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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