I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
