So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
