You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
