If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't notice because vodka
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
