shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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