So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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