I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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