a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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