apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
