oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
