I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
