yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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