I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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