A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
