The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
