I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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