Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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