In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We left the knife in your bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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