My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
honey bunches of taint.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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