I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
