No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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