Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
