Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
