Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
