You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
