The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
