if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
