My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
