I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
