Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
