They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
