And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
