Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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