i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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