saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
