Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
