all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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