I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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