nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
