Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
