As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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