Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
