Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
