I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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